My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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