she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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