So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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