everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
