my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
