well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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