I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
