didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
