i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
