Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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