I just threw up on my dentist
I've blown a few things in my day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
