So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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