I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
