I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
