What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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