she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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