Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
