I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
