I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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