How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
