i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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