Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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