I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
