No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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