It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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