I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
