We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
