Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
