Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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