there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
