Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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