Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
