I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
