we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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