youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
