Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
