so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
