Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
