all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
