Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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