I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
