is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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