what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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