Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
