ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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