The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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