i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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