So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
