Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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