if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
