I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
