I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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