Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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