i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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