Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
