you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
