Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
