Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
