You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
