we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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